because it's the first week.

woah, the first official week of school will conclude in just under half an hour, and wow. i'll admit... university has ups AND downs.

downs first, shall we?

1. never seeing my friends
2. the school is actually pretty BIG
3. i still have no friends... ):
4. essays are the epiphany of my existence

and with the ups...

1. you can customize your schedule
2. cute boys
3. cool professors
4. you can study ANYTHING you want
5. independence

but honestly, i really wish things turned out different. i know i'll be terribly miserable elsewhere, but i wish i took the time and applied to schools outside my city. i need change, and i need danny. i really never imagined myself missing him so much, even though i know he treated me pretty badly emotionally... but nevertheless, i still do love him with all of my heart.

as the second week approaches, i have two assignments lined up to be handed in. ): essay 1, and journal entries -- four journal entires, to be exact! oh, and my psychology midterm is october 1st, and i have that class on monday nights only. what the heck!?!?!?!?!?!

and i also despise work. i wish i had a funner job with the same pay. sigh! i also make no friends there, and the price checkers are out to get me because they just don't ever seem to want to help me. ):

and i do apologize about the photoblog and haul video... i might still upload a late haul, but the photoblog might just be postponed until i have more time. well, really.. both things will require time i rarely have! but! i will try my absolute hardest to upload those two!

i hope your school week has been much more eventful than mine. and hello russia and australia! i've never had viewers from either places, so hi! do feel free to pop me a message! i love answering questions, and saying hello to all you mysterious readers... maybe i'm just a bit of a narcissist... but do! i'll link you my past post with my contact information!

you're all wonderful, and i shall talk to you all soon!

xo, yona.

link to contact me! (:
http://iridescentpipedreams.blogspot.ca/2012/08/because-its-ways-of-communication.html

because i love you.

i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you.

i really need him to know ugh

i'm just falling apart so quickly it's pathetic

ugh1/!!!!!!!!

because it's the first day.

day one. how many day ones do we have in life? quite a few, i'd say. today is the first day of classes, and man, i'm overwhelmed. i held in tears all the way to school, and i'm holding them in now. i'm terrified. i'm scared i'll be disliked because i'm a total social dud, and i'm scared of failing.

of course, it takes time to settle into everything, and of course, i can't knock it until i try it, but with everything that has been going on right now, i just can't handle school. i just want to go home, and crawl into the safety of my bed. i can't handle the stress of starting new. starting in a place where i have no friends. i'm terrified, and i feel like a child, crying to go home. i'm also 2 hours early for class, which is just keener kelly of me, but i can't stand being at home, sulking over danny. i'm desperately trying to move on, and desperately trying to be my happy self. but it's so hard. i can't do anything without him constantly on my mind. pathetic, isn't it? i know.

well, i guess i'll keep you guys all posted after class... right now, i'm going to follow jessi's advice, and to do something that scares me: telling danny exactly how i feel.

it's just a pathetic day overall for me, i know. but i can't handle this anymore, and i just want to go home.

xo, yona.

because it's the beginning of the first steps.

university. wow. overwhelming. big. crowded. scary. today was the first day of the two-day orientation, and i can honestly say, i'm not looking forward to school. like wow... wow.

i originally wanted danny to hear all about my first university experience, but seeing as we aren't together anymore, and because he and i aren't speaking (mainly he's not speaking to me...), i'll tell all of you about it.

mount royal university. that's where it all begins from here on out. will i be successful? will i become a nurse? will i change my mind? will i be in school for longer than i hope for? what'll happen to me after university? during university? those questions can only be answered in time.

orientation honestly bored me to tears. i didn't want to take a tour of the campus for the third time. i didn't want to hear about all the things offered there because i've heard it all a million times. i didn't want to listen to someone who didn't seem to know much about the school, and i definitely didn't want to be in school at all today. it's just been an overall terrible day, and i just wish i started university off a happier person. nothing really special happened today, except we learnt that if we chose to exchange to any university who is connected with mount royal, we pay mount royal fees. how cool is that?! definitely crossing my fingers to go on one of those life changing experiences. i honestly do wish i took more risks, and applied elsewhere for school. i think i would've been more excited about university if i took the opportunity to move to a new city and meet new people. today... it was all just a bore. i was bored to tears.

but for what it's worth, i've gathered a few tips i hope that can help fellow new students and future students!

1. don't be afraid to take open/general studies! a friend of mine made the greatest point in life, and he said, 'high school doesn't teach passion.' and it's true. don't hop into your choice of major when you get the chance. take the prerequisites for that program and take other courses that interest you. you never know what'll come of that! i'm in the UEO program at my school, and it's just a step above general/open, and i'm taking courses for nursing, as well as whatever interests me. why waste time and money if you end up not liking it, right? you always learn best from experience, i find.
2. don't be afraid to take risks! apply for the schools that aren't in your city! apply for the schools that YOU genuinely want to get into. TRY it. it's never a mistake in trying. and you never know... it may come to a surprise! like for me. i got my acceptance letter into the bachelor of education today (it's WAY late, but i'm glad i didn't take it), and i honestly thought i wouldn't have a chance with that school because it's so great. so DO try! it never hurts.
3. don't be afraid to ask questions! we all grew up being told to ask questions because it helps you. and it's never embarrassing to ask questions in university. they're there for a reason, and that reason is to help you succeed. yeah, they might be rude or angry, but they will benefit you. do go to them TALK about your best path into the future. they're trained to help you, and they know more about it then you do yourself.
4. take. things. slowly. plan ahead. this one is one of the most important, i think. you really need to put a lot of thought into which school you want to go to, which program interests you, and what you really have a passion for. yeah, you might choose a less prestigious/known school, but they might have the better program. so GO for it. GO into that school. you'll have a better background than the students going to a prestigious/known school, and you'll shine in your field!!!
5. GO WITH YOUR GUT FEELING!!!!!! that whole head-over-heart thing applies to everything, and university is definitely something that should be followed by your gut instincts. go with what you feel will benefit you MOST. do it. screw what others think, and DO it. you need to keep yourself happy, too. you can't please everyone. follow your heart, and do what makes you happy. do it because you're passionate about it. passion is what drives us. would you like to be stuck with a job you absolutely despise? i didn't think so. 

that's all i've gathered in this sulking state of mine, but i really do hope this helps some of you. i really do wish all you the best in your future careers and life.

you're all wonderful, and i shall talk to you all soon.

xo, yona.

because i just don't understand.

i don't understand why people will tell you they love you, but they never try. like, really. if you really do love someone, why can't you just TRY? just because you say you love them, it doesn't automatically mean they feel it, know it, or believe it. it takes action to prove that you love someone.

yes, i know we have a sixteen hour time difference, and i definitely know how important senior year is. i know all that, and i've been through all that just a mere 3 months ago. i also balanced a job along with school, and i still had time for my friends outside both those things. i still went out, i still had sleepovers, and above all, i still made time for the single person i love more than anyone and anything.

funny thing is... i knew i should have ended it the week before graduation. why? because he never seemed to care about me. he never made time for me, and he eventually stopped trying all together after our fight that night during graduation.

i don't know what i did wrong, either. i was always there for him. i always listened, gave advice, sympathized with him, tried to understand him, and i tried my hardest to be his support system. i gave him everything, i even changed myself to make him the happiest human being i can ever hope for.

i will, however, admit i haven't always been the best girlfriend. i have made him feel bad with doubts and insecurities, but i can see why this breakup is for the best. he deserves someone much better than myself. i'm too insecure about myself, and about my life. i'm too demanding, clingy, and untrusting. someone like him deserves the world. with everything he's been through, he deserves someone who loves and cares about him as much as his mom does. and as hard as i tried to be that person for him, i didn't do a good of a job as i thought i did.

break ups suck. they hurt. they depress me, and they make me feel like complete crap.

but enough of my bitterness. you're all wonderful, and i'll talk to you all soon.

xo, yona.

because it's time for a quick up-date!

okay, hello! i know i suck at this, but i DO have a haul video filmed! i'm probably going to start editing it tomorrow night, or wednesday night, and have it hopefully up by friday! it's a super long haul, so i do apologize in advance.

danny and i also broke up this morning, so i'm still trying to move on from the break up, and the saying of 'your first love will be the hardest', is true. cheesy, and probably super unrealistic to some, but it really does feel that way.

tomorrow i start university orientation, and i'm scared and nervous! i wish i chose a university away from home though. i wish i had the option.

i also quit my job at swiss chalet, and i will sincerely miss everyone there, and i wish them nothing but the best, and that also goes for danny.

welp, i should finish my tea, and go to bed. i'm so mentally and emotionally drained, i feel like i'm going to die.

you're all wonderful, and i shall talk to you all soon!

xo, yona.

because it's pure nostalgia.

so i spent sunday morning in starbucks just observing. i sat by the window with ‘the perks of being a wallflower’ and a tall pumpkin spice latte. as much as i wanted to finish the book, i wanted to just sit, and take it all in.

sunday mornings in starbucks is really movie-esque. there was a couple sitting next to me, and they had just got back from a morning jog-date, and they sat there with their coffees, and talked about everything. this couple i’d say was probably in their mid-thirties to early fourties, and they looked so in love. they never stopped smiling at each other, and they seemed genuinely interested in what the other had to say.

familes trailed in for morning coffees and hot chocolates before grocery shopping, older couples out walking their dogs, and business partners sitting at the big table discussing their new developments.

it was a really great start to my morning, and i wish i could do this every day. it really calmed me, and it made me think more positively. it also showed me that everyone has their own stories within their intertwined stories with others, and somehow, everything just fits together so perfectly for them, and they just love where they are.

i wish i could be as sure as they all seem to come off as. i wish i was able to know for sure what i want and not want in life. i just want to find myself again, and carry on.